Posted by pinkeye on May 9, 2005, at 21:04:53
In reply to Re: Taking a break for couple of days. » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on May 9, 2005, at 20:40:26
Thank you Dinah.. I am also realizing more and more that, that is perhaps the problem. My new therapist also says the same thing - that I take far too much responsibility and blame.
And I want to be a good daughter to my fahter, and a good wife to my husband, and a good person and woman myself, and taht is why I try to do my best. But I think both my father and my husband have the same problem - they are both extremely fanatic and dogmatic in their principles, and out of the world views.. and it is just impossible for me to please them by living in this world. I had the same problem with my dad growing up.. his demands of me was way out of the world.. I was a pretty normal child, in fact everyone used to say I was one of the best kids. I was very well behaved, studied well, never was naughty, and still I was not enough for my dad. He used to scold me and punish me.. even when I was in college, he slapped me one day because I was not learning stocks. He wanted me to invest in stocks side by side while I was studying, and I was jsut not into it, because he lost all the money by playing stocks and he was imposing that on me even after losing so much money. And I was good at studies, was in the 90 th percentile, and I got a job in a good company while I was in the final year in campus recruitment. And yet he slaps me for not learning stocks. And I have started earning and living on my own from when I was 20.. and haven't depended on my parents till now and ever since I came to US, I have been supporting them also, but even now he says that I should learn stock market.. he is very upset with me, because I am not learning it.
And my husband has the same pattern. I try to please him a lot - he wanted me to give up eating meat, I gave up, then he wanted me to give up eating eggs also, I gave up, he watned me to give up eating onion and garlic, and eating out in restaurants, and I gave everything up. And no movies, no going out.. even if we go to friends place, I cook and pack dinner or lunch for him, because he won't eat anywhere.. And he wanted me not to have sex with him, I gave up that also. For the last 3 years, we haven't had real intercourse.. only some kind of making up stuff, because he is against birth controls and we don't want to have kids now.. I agreed to all that. And now he wants me to go and live with his parents, and I don't want to live in the same house. I would like to live in separate house in the same street or nearby, and we can visit them everyday. But he is saying I am not beign a good daughter-in-law.
Anyway, I am just getting so bogged down with meeting everybody's demands. I think you are right.. you just cannot fulfill and please everyone.
But somehow I feel I am capable, and I should be able to do everything.. and I blame myself, and I am confused.
poster:pinkeye
thread:495224
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/495778.html