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Re: Update: Hard won apology given :)

Posted by annierose on April 19, 2005, at 13:22:34

In reply to What a sweetie!! annierose, posted by Dinah on April 18, 2005, at 17:51:51

There's hope. It only took 2 sessions of re-hashing last Thursday over and over again, down to every sentence, response and answer given, but I finally got an apology today. It feels good.

I'm proud of myself because I didn't revert into old behaviors of 20 years ago when I first saw this T. I didn't quit, walk out mid-session or write an "I'm so mad at you" letter. (Mind you, I'm only 43 now) Instead, I kept my appointments and talked about why I was feeling hurt. I think it came down to feeling that she didn't like me anymore (afterall, she called me harsh and quick to hate).

Today, after going through it all, she could see why I felt that, but that she felt the opposite about me, that I was very loving and kind (and I think a couple of other good adjectives that I'm forgetting ... darn). That as a T, it was her job to point out certain "layers" to my style and conversation patterns that were "extra" (intensity, for instance). I do understand the point she was trying to make. And I'm ashamed to admit, she is right. But my point to her was it doesn't define who I am as a person, just a very small part.

And it's that small wounded part of me, my T is trying to heal.

And so it goes ... I'm glad I had the support of my babble friends (and IRL friends too) to work through this with my T.

To gg, I have my safe place back. I did tell her when I first walked in that it was gone. She wanted to know what was standing in the way of getting it back, and I wanted to say "You", but instead focused on my hurt feelings. I hope you get your safe haven back on Thursday too. You deserve it!!

 

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