Posted by Tamar on March 12, 2005, at 18:58:51
In reply to The Phone Call, posted by Skittles on March 12, 2005, at 16:41:08
It sounds to me as if there’s been a serious misunderstanding here, and I agree with you that your T isn’t admitting her mistakes. She doesn’t seem to be taking the whole picture into account: the problems with your mother and your T’s unavailability are bound to make you ‘ambivalent’. But ‘ambivalent’ is quite a strong word – perhaps ‘anxious’ or ‘uncertain’ would be fairer to you. So you don’t know what you want – well no wonder!
I think it would be helpful if you see her again, even if it’s for the last time. I hope she will acknowledge her mistakes and offer you whatever you need to move forward from this damaging experience.
I also think you’re right to be cautious about taking medication that could have an effect on your libido. Life is hard enough without having to negotiate a lack of interest in sex when your partner, with the best will in the world, probably doesn’t understand what you’re going through.
And I can understand the shame and vulnerability in talking about your problems with sex. I was eventually able to tell my T all kinds of shameful details about traumatic events in my past, and it was very difficult. But even though I was able to say all those terrible things, it was even worse when I tried to talk about the problems I have in bed with my husband. My husband also has an interest in my ‘getting there’, but it was impossible for me for a very long time, and although I wanted to talk to my friends and my T about it I just couldn’t bring myself to say the words. So I can understand that talking about sexual stuff is hard. I’m glad you were able to write about it in your post, though. Did you feel that writing it helped in any way? Sometimes if you say it once you can say it again and it starts to get more say-able. Do you think you might be able to talk about it some more? I know you will find a lot of sympathy and support here.
I think you’re very brave and I admire you for that.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:469454
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050305/msgs/470209.html