Posted by alexandra_k on March 4, 2005, at 5:46:32
In reply to Re: missing my ex t » alexandra_k, posted by Susan47 on March 4, 2005, at 1:16:29
>And it makes me angry and upset to think that's what my therapist did to me, because I wasn't able to vocalize my inability to fight for therapy, to fight for what I needed to get from him, in any other way than a roundabout method, and he did not get the message, he just did not understand.
Maybe he did understand but it was more than he could deliver.
>My ex-T cannot take away my value here on earth? So why does he keep trying to do that? Why does he look at me so coldly,
I think sometimes they do because they are emotionally distancing themself from the situation. I don't know what effect that is supposed to have on us... I think maybe we are supposed to respond in kind. I don't think he is intending to do it to be hurtful, he is probably trying to encourage you to move on BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT HURT ANY LESS. I know that too... But after termination our needs aren't really the point any more. And that is most painful of all. To watch someone withdraw and there is nothing you can do. But I don't think he intends to be hurtful.
>why won't he tell me he failed not because of me, but because of him? Why won't he admit to me that he couldn't help me, why won't he tell me he's sorry for hurting ME?
I could say something about the male ego...
But I have had female clinicians do this too...
Have had them conclude that nobody could help me (just because they didn't know how). That was the hardest thing of all. I thought that was an incredibly hateful thing to do. Instead of realising their own limitations they blamed me. Condemned me so that nobody else would work with me either. Stabotaged future therapists from working with me. Now I just conclude that it is ignorance. They are oblivious. They are people. And I guess most people are pretty insecure when it comes down to it. Maybe he felt helpless with you Susan. Unable to take away your pain. Maybe he didn't like that at all. I think it takes a fairly exceptional person to be able to admit their own failings and recognise their own deficiencies. You deserve better.> And some aren't but really act that way because they're frightened,
Yes.
>and it hurts to know I brought out the worst in another human being,
His weakness Susan
His limitations
His issue.
You are capable of bringing out the worst
But you are equally capable of bringing out the best
I think you are really special Susan.
And you deserve a really special therapist.
Someone more secure in themself.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:465969
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050225/msgs/466336.html