Posted by alexandra_k on February 24, 2005, at 21:34:10
... and drained. And I am not sleeping too well either. Just kind of living my life in a half-asleep state. Waiting...
Waiting...
For things to get better.
Decisions to be made.I scream and rail sometimes (inside, of course) but there really is nothing to be done. So I swing between sadness, and despair and rage; and between a sort of acceptance, and just putting it out of my mind completely.
I did the assessment.
She was great.
And I feel so frustrated and angry and sad that I can't work with her. I see something of what it could be like to work with someone good. Someone who understands what I am talking about, who understands more than I can even imagine, and where I don't have to try to backpeddle or qualify my statements in an attempt to avoid the inevitable 'psychotic' interpretation. I really don't feel anywhere near as good about my current situation as I did, and I was plenty upset about that before.Apparantly there is a 'do not get your hopes up' letter to me from management. Sent out before the assessment even. p-doc was going to email it to me but has decided to hand it to me in person on Tuesday. That means it can't be good.
The assessment was just another hurdle in my way to getting something appropriate. I didn't fall over it. They had hoped I might. That was the point. That was the purpose.
I am sorry.
I am feeling sorry for myself.
I wasn't going to say anything at all about it because I thought this feeling might wear off soonish. But no, it seems to have set in.Sorry my posts over here are so depressing much of the time. I'm sorry. Time to go and do something else for a while, I think...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:462970
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050218/msgs/462970.html