Posted by pinkeye on March 1, 2005, at 22:02:53
In reply to Re: Wow. What a Concept., posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 21:51:18
I believe rumination appears to create value, but eventually it doesn't. That is what I read and now I believe it too.
You probably are thinking that by keep getting deeper and deeper and thinking about him constantly, you are probably working on your way to your wellness and understaning yourself better. And you probably like thinking about him and keep creating that virtual relationship that you had with him in your mind. Because the relationship part of it probably feels good. Also you are probably thinking that by constantly venting out and talking about it, you are probably getting him out of your system.
But what they say is, rumination is really bad for you, and doesn't serve any purpose. You are much better off by distracting yourself, and doing something else, and trying to create more positive relationships and doing things a better way with others - these are productive and helps you learn a different way of coping and you learn a better way of living by simply living a better life. Not by thinking what went wrong and how you could have done things differently. Rumination leads straight into depression by creating a kind of vicious circle. And it robs you of developing a better coping strategy when faced with other issues. It seems to be not true, but that is what it really does. Women tend to get more depressed and stay in depression longer than men, because women have a much higher tendency to do this rumination. Men simply don't. If they end up doing badly in a relationship, they don't keep thinking about it all the time - instead they go and play sports or spend time in an electronic shop or just go and drink. That is why they don't get depressed. They find something else interesting to do, and it helps them move on faster. (but don't do the drinking part). And nowadays, psychologists prescribe the same exact thing for women who have a tendency to get depressed.
You should get a book Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman. It was available in my local library and it helped me see things clearly.
poster:pinkeye
thread:462970
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050225/msgs/465224.html