Posted by daisym on February 22, 2005, at 20:31:53
Why is it that I can pick up instantly on the little tiny things during a session and yet miss the big obvious statements?
Yesterday I "heard" what I considered lots of hints that my therapist needed a rest, that he didn't want to hear about the bad stuff and that he was sorry that I had a tough weekend but he was glad I hadn't called. I felt panicked and lost and I knew I was furious when I left but I wasn't sure why.
I let three messages today --
"I'm a wreck"
"I'm fine"
"I lied. I'm a wreck."When he called, I was pretty honest about why I was in such a state. I told him flat out that it felt like he wasn't there yesterday, that I felt alone and disconnected and that the intensity of my feelings scared the hell out of me. He walked back with me through the session and acknowledged all of the little things and offered alternative explanations, but the whole time kept saying, "I can see how you would take it like that." Finally he said, "what about when I said I was ready to hear more details when you were ready to tell me. Or when I asked if you had memories this weekend and wanted to share them? Or when I told you I thought it was best that you share stuff? Does any of that count?" He asked in a really soft, gentle way, not defensively at all. He also said it was OK for me to be furious with him, even if I didn't know why.
We figured a lot of stuff out. He made me feel better. But I'm still afraid if the intensity of these feelings. He said it often feels like I want something from him but I don't say what...or I can't articulate it. He said he is OK with that too...but he wants me to know that he expects this level of intensity and it is perfectly OK.
I feel like a brat. Why can't I hear (and believe) the big statements? Does anyone else do this?
poster:daisym
thread:462001
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050218/msgs/462001.html