Posted by littleone on January 11, 2005, at 14:56:21
In reply to Called T - VERY, VERY BAD, posted by Skittles on January 11, 2005, at 2:47:36
Skittles,
I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time at the moment.
I have only ever called my T once and it was during business hours and he was in between patients. It was over something I was upset about, but I could kind of tell him about it rationally/intellectually, you know, kind of separated from it all. He was leaving for a couple of days and I guess I only called him because I was worried about leaving it for too long.
I often wish I could call my T more out of hours (especially now he's on holidays), but in a way it would be pretty pointless anyway. I'm usually better at talking on the phone than in person, but if it was something that I was really upset about, I wouldn't be able to talk about it no matter what.
It's unfortunate (although understandable) that your T had such a strong reaction to your call. And I can really relate to how difficult and frustrating trying to talk to her must have felt for you.
I know that for me, the best thing is just to write in my journal when I'm feeling really really bad. Then sometimes I'll give a copy to my T at my next session so he knows what's going on inside my head. Although often I'll chicken out of that.
It sounds like your T is trying to encourage you to initiate more out of session contact with her. If that's the case, maybe you could call her occasionally about things that are worrying you, but aren't actually overwhelming you. Then maybe it would make you a little more used to it. I know that relationships with people (or lack thereof) are a big thing for me and I guess one of our aims would be for me to build a relationship with my T. If you're in the same sort of boat, then phone contact would be a good way to help with this. You may want to ask your T if the phone contact is just for emergencies or if it's more a support thing to help build the relationship.
The other thing I wanted to mention was to ask that you don't leave your T. She sounds pretty special. I have a big problem with running away from people. If things go wrong, I leave them. If things are going right, I leave them. Which means that I'm always trying to leave my T. However, no matter how much I want to, or how strongly I can justify it, I know that it is my pattern playing out again and it's certainly one I need to break to be able to get better.
Not sure if you have similar problems, but if you do, I found it really useful to sign an agreement with my T that I couldn't just leave. I had to have at least two more sessions before I could walk away. Just knowing that I'd have to *talk* about why I want to go is usually enough to get me to stay.
Take care.
Oh, PS. I also really understand your talk about a facade. Ditto for me. I think I've really fallen apart the last 6 months or so because I haven't been able to hold that facade up. So people are seeing how screwed up I am and think I've changed since getting married or seeing a T or whatever. They don't get that the screwiness has been there all along, just hidden away. They want me back smiling and happy and back to *normal*, ie they want the facade *sigh*.
poster:littleone
thread:440519
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050111/msgs/440709.html