Posted by DaisyM on August 26, 2004, at 12:25:17
In reply to Where I've been, Where I am, Where I'd like to be, posted by Dinah on August 24, 2004, at 19:44:31
Where I was:
When I started therapy, I was about a month past the first suicidal, black hole melt down of my life. I had always been a tough, push through it, look on the bright side, kind of gal. In retrospect, I had been sitting in on my son's therapy for several months and his Therapist had been asking me all along "how are you doing with all of this?" and I always said fine, etc. etc. Obviously something was showing. It wasn't until my son identified his fear of his father (the mood swings and illness stuff) that I flipped out and went into the hole. Talk about patterns repeating! I went to therapy looking for new, better coping skills so I could resume my "I have everything under control" life. After several attempts at finding a therapist (shudder) I found the one I currently have. He refused to help me get back to where I was, pointing out that I was headed for an even bigger crash and burn if I didn't slow down and figure out what the haunting sadness was about and learn to take care of myself. This meant learning to lean on people for emotional support and get more of my needs met, instead of always meeting everyone else's. After almost 5 months of therapy, I finally told him the truth about my childhood, something I'd never, ever talked about or told anyone.Where I am:
It is still an up and down process for me. I flip from being OK with having this unique supportive relationship in my life, to being mortified by the childish wants and needs that have surfaced. I'm beginning to accept that there was more damage to my self-esteem and inner soul than I thought. I have accepted that there is a separate, younger self, who has a whole list of things she wants and needs. And I've accepted that this might take a little longer to resolve than the initial 6 months I was going to give it. :)Where I'd like to be and how therapy will help me get there:
I'd like to feel stronger about coping with the stress in my life. I'd like to be able to feel sad about the memories I have but not overwhelmed by them. I want to integrate the little girl parts of me back into the adult so that her needs aren't so intense. I want to resolved the conflicting feelings about the relationships I have now with my parents but I feel no need to ever confront them about all of this. I want to trust people with my emotional needs and not have to be perfect at everything. I want to be able to give and get hugs without flinching. I think the steady support I get from my Therapist, which includes his complete acceptance of all parts of me will help me get there.
poster:DaisyM
thread:381889
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040821/msgs/382558.html