Posted by DaisyM on August 25, 2004, at 12:10:31
In reply to not getting what I need/asking too much, posted by thewrite1 on August 23, 2004, at 14:18:25
I think sometimes what we want is to be gratified (that we are right) and made feel warm and fuzzy and our Therapist's job is to make us explore why we feel what we feel and why we want what we want. I remember telling my Therapist about a really bad day, that I was upset, etc. He wanted to know why such and such made me feel that way. I sort of yelled at him that "da** it! I don't want to "explore it." I just want you to be sympathetic and make me feel better." He stopped and said, "OK, such and such is just being a Bit**." I was shocked and then laughed and laughed. Then, of course, we had to talk about what I needed and wanted from him and what he thought his job was.
I think you might need to have the same conversation. I like the suggestion of being brutally honest about wanting an apology from her and asking why she doesn't feel the need to give one. She might be surprised by how intensely you are being effected by this. When I get to these places, I always remember what FallsFall told me: "If your response feels extreme or maybe out of proportion to the event (this WAS months ago), you need to look at what is being triggered." Everything isn't transference. But transference is heavily studied because it DOES happen...and by definition we don't often see it for what it is.That said, I don't think you can ask too much from your Therapist. Because it is their job to hold the therapeutic frame tight and say "no" when they need to, but not be upset with you for honestly asking or expressing anything. I know it is so upsetting when you feel like there is a rift in your relationship. But fixing it will be worth it.
poster:DaisyM
thread:381328
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040821/msgs/382150.html