Posted by shrinking violet on August 20, 2004, at 18:57:20
In reply to Re: Boundary Stuff, posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 20, 2004, at 17:31:52
I think a lot of this is subjective. Once my sister told me that her T asked the name of my T, and my sister told her, and her T commented that she had heard that my T was good. Neither one of us thought much about it.
>> The comment about how she thinks a lot about you seems worrisome to me. While it may feel good to hear her say that, it is not professional.
Hm, again I think maybe this is subjective. My T often tells me that she cares about me, and that she thinks of me, and sometimes (usually if I'm particularly upset or if she's leaving for a vacation) she'll tell me that she will hold me in her thoughts. After a recent vacation she told me some of what she did, and then said I was on her mind through much of it. I think it helps me feel that I'm keeping my connection to her, and vice-versa, although I agree that sometimes comments like that can cause us to question the boundaries and wonder *how* exactly they think of us, or care for us (within the therapy or outside of it?).
>
> Before my current T, I saw a LCSW for a while and she treated me more like a girlfriend than a client. I really disliked that.Hm, my T is a LICSW at my University where I'm a graduate student. While she is a good T in many respects, I often wonder whether I'm too much of a case for her. Mostly, she deals with undergrads who have fairly superficial issues, and someone like me with multiple, complex, and deeply ingrained issues, who would need longer term work than I would be allowed to see her as a T, I think sometimes I'm beyond her realm of experience. But then again, every T has his or her own style, so perhaps that's what it is also. My T is an open, friendly person by nature (although she can be very private also), but I do think she treats me somewhat differently than her other clients, and I think she shares more with me (although that's mostly speculation).
>> I have also learned that if you have to question something about boundaries, that usually means they have been crossed and the therapeutic frame has been compromised.
This statement is making me think, since I have often questioned my T and wondered whether she has pretty much eradicated boundaries with me. It feels that way, but then again, I'm not inside her head so perhaps she has reasons for the things she does/says, and/or lets me get away with. I often wonder if I'll need therapy after her just to get over having had therapy with her.
In general, though, if *you* feel uncomfortable with anything your T does or says, then you should bring it up with her. Perhaps she is letting boundaries slip but isn't aware of it, or perhaps she feels she has concrete reasons for doing or saying what she has. Talk to her, see what she says, and let her know how you feel and what conduct you would prefer she use with you.
poster:shrinking violet
thread:379952
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/380111.html