Posted by lucy stone on August 20, 2004, at 13:59:39
In reply to Boundary Stuff, posted by Rigby on August 20, 2004, at 13:25:06
> Hi All,
>
> I was wondering. Last week in therapy I mentioned the first name of my partner's new therapist to my therapist. My therapist asked the last name of this other therapist. I told her and she seemed excited because she knew this therapist and really liked her. I didn't think much of it at the time but I think it sort of triggered a lot of boundary violation stuff she did with me in the beginning.
>
> Question: would you consider this a boundary violation--her asking my partner's therapist's name? It seemed "off" to me.
>
It doesn't really seem like a boundary violation to me. Some Ts are better than others and that is probably known around the T community. She may have been trying to make sure that your partner was seeing a good T as an extention of her caring about you. However, if it made you uncomfortable then it was a boundary violation. Boundaries are set by both patient and T, not just by the T. You would have had every right to tell her that you did not feel comfortable sharing that information. You could still tell her that it made you uncomfortable.
> Also, and this is just a "vibe" thing but I get that a therapist should be involved in your case but man, sometimes I just feel that she's *really* involved. She's said before to me that she was overly involved with me. More recently we talked about "rules" and her bending them. I asked how she bent the rules for me. She thought for a while and her response was: I spend an awful lot of time thinking about you (or something like that.) I just let that one go.
>This does seem like a boudary violation to me. If boundaries are set for a good reason the T as a professional should not bend them without a very good reason. If a T does bend them in a way that is not obvious the T should correct the situation. What good did sharing this information do you? If it didn't help you she shouldn't share, after all she is there only to help you. If she has her own issues she needs to take care of those on her own, perhaps with the help of supervision or consultation.
> Another example: there's this guy I've been attracted to. Last week he told me he'd fallen in love with me. When I told my therapist this she said, "That's what you wanted, right?" And I said, "Did I say that?" And she responded YES so instantly and emphatically that it seemed WEIRD. Ack. Weird. I mean I actually had to laugh and I made a joke it was so emphatic.
>
You "ack" made me think that you were made uncomforatble by her empathy. Is this because this degree of empathy is unusual for you? Maybe it's a good thing and you will come to see it to be of value to you. If you didn't like because it seems like it goes beyond a therapy empathy it could be a problem. Can you discuss this with her?> Lately, especially, my life has gotten **really** complicated. I fear that it's triggering her stuff and it concerns me. She has said she and I are very much alike in someways and some stuff happening to me now, I know, parallels some stuff in her life.
>
Do you like hearing this and does it help you? If not, you might need to tell her that it doesn't help you to hear this.> Now more than ever I need to really know she's got my best interests in mind and I'm fairly concerned.
>I don't know for sure, but from what you have posted it does seem that she has your best interets in mind. She may be using a way of expressing this that is not helpful to you. It seems clear to me that she does care about you and wants to help you. Could you find a way to suggest that she might be sharing a bit too much of her own issues with you? I am hopeful that she would be open to changing her approach a bit.
> Any thoughts would be appreciated.
>
poster:lucy stone
thread:379952
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/379983.html