Posted by steelmagnolia25 on August 14, 2004, at 21:32:29
In reply to Re: Are relationships with T's real, or not?, posted by shrinking violet on August 14, 2004, at 19:20:25
SV,
I haven't posted here in a while, but your thread just resonated with me. I recently was forced to terminate with my T because he moved away. During our final sessions, we discussed our "relationship" quite a bit and some of what he said actually settled my feelings. Like you, I felt a strong connection to my T and there were many commonalities; I also knew things about him that I probably shouldn't have known, but he was kind enough to open up just a little when he thought it would be very helpful to me. What has really stayed with me were some statements that he made in our last session. Significantly, he said that he does care about me and that he will miss me, although in the most ethical sense. He said that he doesn't have the "luxury" of bringing unboundaried feelings into the room, and that if he did permit himself to experience those feelings that it would be oppressive for me. Now that we've been apart for a few weeks, I seem to appreciate those words even more. I recall at the time I was thinking to myself, somewhat cynically, "So you can just turn off certain feelings?" But now I truly appreciate that, in my own best interest, he maintained those boundaries even though I was so eager to cross them (not even sexually -- I would enjoy just being his friend!). And I don't consider the fact that he held back some of his personal feelings for the sake of therapy as something that renders the relationship "unreal." It just ensured that we had the optimal therapy relationship...KWIM?
poster:steelmagnolia25
thread:377579
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/377764.html