Posted by Lonely on August 19, 2004, at 0:23:58
In reply to Are relationships with T's real, or not?, posted by shrinking violet on August 14, 2004, at 12:49:07
Raising my hand here to say I've also experienced much of this.
One thing I learned outside of therapy is that therapy is in a sense UNreal A psychiatrist (at a lecture) mentioned a patient who ended up marrying her therapist (this apparently happens every once in a while). Her before-he-was-her-husband therapist was kind and attentive and listened carefully and presented very warm and kind attitudes towards her. After marriage she became quite disillusioned with the relationship. The frustration drove her back to therapy with a different therapist. After she married her first therapist, he laid around in bed, passed gas, and generally acted like she was far from the center of his universe!!!!
I guess my point is, that therapy has to have some special structures to it in order to create an environment where growth, insights, or what-have-you can happen. Obviously we can't have that much safety and support all the time - the world just isn't like that. Being mere mortals, feelings do develop as lives are shared and caring takes place. Perhaps in some senses and some instances it's sort of a spiritual thing for a little bit of time.
Way back in the "dark ages" I went to a counselor at my Univ who told me he was sexually attracted to me but he was always **totally** above board and as **ethical** and **honorable** as the day is long. I guess it was considered his responsibility at that time to tell me. I contacted him by mail after he left the Univ - he said I could. I've thought about him sometimes since but he would be about 88 and living somewhere around Phoenix now - probably not even alive. But, he said some really great things to me about myself including even negatives (I was/am really stubborn!) but it came across the right way and it gave me a teensy sense of importance. Nonetheless, the loss was devastating and I think it negatively affected my college work. That's the not-so-healthy part.
Now I find therapy too contrived and therefore phony and the pain of loss, especially the therapist that died, makes me wish I had never experienced that relationship at all. I guess I still feel I want to ease her pain - do something for her.
poster:Lonely
thread:377579
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/379339.html