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Re: question for lonely

Posted by Lonely on August 19, 2004, at 11:20:00

In reply to Re: question for lonely, posted by Susan47 on August 19, 2004, at 8:27:41

We had a mutual friend who told me that "C" (my therapist) was in the hospital and not expected to live. He urged me to go see her and I really wanted to but was paralyzed by fear that she would be angry with me. I really didn't know what to do. I did go to the hospital but didn't see her as visitation was being cut off due to her condition.

Five days later she was dead. Again, the mutual friend notified me of her death - by email. Another friend of the T's, whom I had met briefly but didn't really know, called me at my husband's suggestion (I cried for hours straight) and we talked. That helped but it wasn't enough. I really wanted to know if she knew that I really did care about her. I guess she did.

Thankfully, they had a memorial for her that I attended. There I ran into another therapist I knew who pointed out people who had been members of C's family. That helped. The mutual friend also let everyone at the memorial know that I was looking for another therapist. At the social time after the memorial - cookies & coffee - I met a few other people there. Also met the beloved son and his wife. I could see so much of "C" in her son. In a way, "C" lives on. He hugged me and thanked me for taking the time out to come as did his wife. I talked to "C's" "ex" also briefly.

Afterward, I made email contact with "C"'s old friend who sent me a couple of photos. That was so good. One is sitting on my credenza now ... I still look at it every day. The newspaper had an online memorial area for "C" - it seems to be fairly common now so look for it if you or someone else has lost a loved one. It's a place to write your condolences and memories of the deceased. I think it's just part of the package of having the obituary put in the newspaper. I saw several other of my T's friends' comments and some things became clearer to me about "C." I saved all that stuff.

And, finally, I cried, and cried, and wanted to be wtih her. *Not* suicidal ... just wanted to be with her. I still cry sometimes. I also played certain hymns - "Take My Hand Precious Lord" and some others. "C" was a spiritual person but not religious. The hymns were my way of coping - my way of commiting her to my higher power.


> Lonely, thanks for sharing the story. I think there was a good lesson in it; we need to remember that therapists are people too and need TLC. A relationship in a therapist's office *is* unreal.
> I can't imagine how devastating it must have been for you to lose a therapist to death. How on earth did you deal with that?


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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:Lonely thread:377579
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/379449.html