Posted by crazymaisie on August 14, 2004, at 14:29:37
In reply to Are relationships with T's real, or not?, posted by shrinking violet on August 14, 2004, at 12:49:07
hi SV
I'm so glad you've started this topic, because your last thread kind of triggered alot of this for me, too. Your relationship with your T sounds alot like mine. And the issues you have with it sound so familiar, too. My T has told me that she doesn't often have this kind of relationship with a client and that she cares alot about me. I feel so close to her (especially when I'm there) but then I get so confused and think it's all just some ploy to make me open up more or something. Like you, I tell her it's not real and she insists that it is real, it's just a relationship with unusual constraints. Then I read (particularly on this board) about how often this sort of thing happens and I wonder why I'm so arrogant that I have to believe that I really am special to my T and that there's something more than 'transference' - whatever that really is - between us. Then I see her again and I realise that there is a real relationship there. I know that I have hurt her feelings on occasion, that I have really annoyed her. And I have felt let down by her, sometimes, too, and that all feels pretty 'real'.
I brought up the subject of when it's all over a few months ago, especially regarding not seeing her again. She said that we can wait and see how things are when the time comes and that we can work from there. Actually, that made me feel so much better. It was a validation that this is real and it has relaxed me so much more about the whole therapy thing. Of course, then I wonder if that's precisely why she said it!
It sucks, though, doesn't it. I seem to go round in circles about it. Also, I'd be interested to hear from anyone who has become friends with their T afterwards. Or is it simply not done?
SV, I think you should bring all this up with her, she sounds really open and honest and if you talk it to death (like I do) you might find you feel better about it (not that I'm totally there)
I'd love to hear what she says if you do bring it up.
CM
poster:crazymaisie
thread:377579
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/377638.html