Posted by shrinking violet on August 14, 2004, at 19:38:58
In reply to Boundaries (may trigger), posted by lucy stone on August 14, 2004, at 15:56:52
>> I understand that the boundaries are important for my protection but I struggle with them constantly.
Boundaries are difficult to deal with; when they are strict, we want to tear them down. But when they're more blurred, we sometimes want/need them to be more structured.
>> He would never encourage me to add an extra session, even if I were in great distress.My T would, if I asked her, I think. At one point she suggested I see her twice per week, which I did for a while (actually, I think I need more support right now and would prefer to go back to twice a week, but do I ask her? No. Instead, I try to send her messages so she'll think I need them and bring it up....*sigh*). I sort of wonder why your T wouldn't give you an extra session if you needed one....I guess I don't see how that would be crossing boundaries (unless he's afraid it would foster a dependence on him?).
At the end of this post, though, you said that your T would add an extra session if you asked...so maybe he's trying to get you to be a more active participant and learn to ask for what you need, rather than him doing it for you (T's can be sneaky that way. ;-)
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>> He would never call to check on me, even if I had had a very difficult session or was in obvious distress. I have promised that I would call him before I hurt myself and he said that he trusts that I would do that. I'm not sure I believe him on that one (that he wouldn't call), so I personally think he would.Again, I guess I don't see how a phone call to someone in distress is crossing a boundary (unless, again, he doesn't want it to become a dependence on him), but since he does trust that you would call him if you were in crisis (would you?!), then I guess I can see how he would say what he did. I also think it might be a bit dangerous that you think he would call if he says he wouldn't...if he did, great, but what if he didn't and you needed him to? Would you call him? Or would you suffer and maybe jeopardize your safety?
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>> He would never volunteers any personal information about himself.I know most T's don't, from what I've read and heard. Mine does. I've never asked her any personal questions (she's asked me to ask her smething about herself, but I was so embarrassed and was so afraid of asking something inappropriate that I couldn't do it). There is one thing I want to ask her, but I'm waiting for the right time, and I think she'd tell me (she's brought it up herself at various times but hasn't gone into detail) but who knows. I like that my T self-discloses, because it makes it a bit more balanced and less like I'm spilling my guts to a wall. It also personalizes and humanizes her more, which makes it easier to talk to her, in turn.
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>> He very, very seldom initiates the conversation in a session, he waits for me to start.Oh, cripes, if my T did this we'd literally NEVER talk. I have such a hard time verbalizing....I could easily sit there for the whole hour and not say anything (it drives her nuts, though*lol*). She's a HUGE talker.....sometimes it's hard, b/c she'll start to ramble and then I'm not sure how to respond to her, but she's very good at starting the session and asking questions when I get stuck/quiet.
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>> He seldom carries thoughts or topics from one session to the next, he waits for me to do that. Once in a while he will start a session with thoughts from a previous one, but they are rare.Hm, my T doesn't do this too much either, but that just might be her style or technique. Sometimes I wish she'd keep things more structured, at least so I'd know what to expect when I walk in every week. But, then again, if I took more charge of things and spoke more, then I could do it instead of wishing she would.
Remember, though, that we ALL have some sort of boundaries in most of our relationships (and others with us), whether we are aware of them or not.
poster:shrinking violet
thread:377663
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/377718.html