Posted by antigua on August 8, 2004, at 11:34:38
In reply to Re: Oh... (((daisym))) please.........., posted by 64bowtie on August 7, 2004, at 2:04:22
"[Aside], how do memories hurt anyone? Why would anyone give that much power and energy to an abstraction, a story about what happened to you, that it, the abstraction has the ability to take action against your senses and physically cause pain?"
My memories are not an abstraction so I think that makes a big difference as to how I interpret what you have to say.
I am working to master the memories so I can let them go. No amount of "just move on" is going to make a bit of difference. Children work over and over to master things and once they do, their actions become second nature. The mastering is a necessary part of developing into a full and complete human being. Emotionally, because of the things that occurred, I never mastered basic human emotions and expectations. My thinking and vision of the world was wrong because it wasn't modeled correctly. Now I am learning to model it correctly. (I have a friend, for example, and my mother too actually, who didn't learn to swim as a child. They've never learned as adults, and they both have an intense fear surrounding this.)
I fully expect to be well once I work through this. I don't know when it will be, but I get stronger and stronger every day. Some days are tougher, when I am overcome w/emotions and feeling that I have to dig to figure out. Once I understand them and feel them, I can let them go. If I ignore them (just "buck up") they keep coming back and I can react in ways that hurt me, until I learn to feel the feelings, process them and let them go. In the long run, for me this approach works well because I'm not just burying the feelings and waiting for them to rear their ugly head and bite me. I'm facing them down, one by one.
One other thing--childhood sexual abuse is not on the same level of seriousness or life-altering experiences as "coaching," IMO. It is a horrible issue to have to deal with, much more serious (sorry, I don't mean to offend anyone) than being being afraid of say, frogs (is that innocuous enough?)or afraid to do XXX, or anything like that. It is the full and complete betrayal by someone you were supposed to be able to trust. I can't just get over it, but I can work to become the best person I can be.