Posted by gardenergirl on August 6, 2004, at 20:44:28
In reply to » (((GardenerGirl)))...., I'm No Polyanna, posted by 64bowtie on August 6, 2004, at 14:59:12
I definitely have had similar experiences such as you have described in observing therapy and in doing therapy. Sometimes it's hard to mask that light bulb popping up over your head. And I definitely use things that resonated with me with my clients when appropriate, and use stuff that resonated with clients again. So your feedback loop makes sense to me.
I think I finally came to understand the core difficulty I have when reading your model--the "suddenly" part. It just doesn't seem plausible to me that "suddenly" someone can make a major paradigm shift just because someone points out the drives for their behavior or asks them to let go.
I have seldom seen or even read about such sudden transformations in a therapy experience. The only example that comes to mind is flood exposure therapy for phobias. If the client sticks with the frightening stimulus long enough, they may experience a sudden relief from their fears once they learn they will come to no harm.
I know in my case in therapy, however, it often takes repetition of the same insight coming up again and again before it sinks into my bones and not just my brain. My sense of what it would be like to try to just let the past go and live in just the present is that it would be an intellectual experience only. It wouldn't sink into my bones and my gut, and thus, would feel false to me.
I believe that children have a basic need for mirroring, validation, and unconditional love from their primary caregivers. The need for Rogers' "good enough" parenting is, IMO, universal. Since I did not get it due to my parents' own issues (alcoholism and narcissism with probably some depression and anxiety thrown in), I have a void in my development. I still NEED that mirroring, validation, and unconditional love. Whenever I am faced with another siutation that reminds me I didn't or am not getting what I still need, a deep well of pain is stirred up. At some point, I believe through forging a better relationship with my husband and through a corrective emotional experience with my T, I believe that void will be filled some or the rest of me will get bigger so that the void seems significantly less of a part of me. I don't think I can just choose to feel that way now. I believe it takes filling of the well, bucket by bucket to meet the need. Unless I win the mirroring/validating lottery and choose a lump sum payout, it's not going to happen overnight. Would that it would. Cause I've got a lot to offer.
Thanks for making me think, as always,