Posted by daisym on August 6, 2004, at 18:40:20
In reply to Oh » (((daisym))), I hope I am helping, posted by 64bowtie on August 6, 2004, at 18:03:04
>>>>This illusion of an inner child is not present in a traversed adult.
<<<<I have no idea what this sentence means. I'm trying not to be offended by the word illusion.You are really, really wrong, Rod. These memories can and do still hurt me. Not because the abuse is still going on, but because it went on at all. It still hurts to know that I missed out on something very important (the security of a loving childhood) and I can never, never get it back. The memories are stored in my brain but also in my body. It hurts in the here and now to know that I stiffen when my own child sneaks up behind me to give me a hug.
To gleefully say, "start over" like it doesn't matter that the parent who was suppose to love you and care for you did this to you... Like you don't, in the here and now, still need or want that parent's love...well, I think that is a fantasy itself.
I hear you saying "it's in the past. It's over with. Forget it." OR "Choose to forgive and move past it." I agree that doing one or the other would be ideal.
But it isn't like flipping a switch. It isn't as simple as letting the memories go. You love them and yet you know they failed you. You love them and yet you know they have a really dark side. You love them yet you know they had the power to really hurt you before and you can't trust that they won't do it again.
Mostly, these memories make you hate yourself. And that hurts very much in the here and now.
poster:daisym
thread:374592
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040805/msgs/374852.html