Posted by deirdrehbrt on June 14, 2004, at 12:15:29
In reply to Re: Suicidal ideation question - *trigger potential*, posted by pegasus on June 14, 2004, at 11:21:42
Hi Daisy,
I don't spend alot of time outside of social, but my heart goes out to you here. I think I know nearly exactly how you feel. I know what it's like for your kids to disappear in the fog of pain. I know how much more horrible you feel just for that.
I know what it's like to wake up remembereing more than you did when you went to bed. I know how frightening even going to bed can be.
I know what it's like to see people around you manage to escape through suicide and to wish you could join them; only to be reminded that your kids need you, and then feeling that your children are an anchor holding you here, in your pain.
I also know what it's like to have friends that care so much that they are willing to go without sleep, without being home, without eating, comforting me when I'm in the ER drinking charcoal, getting tube after tube of blood drawn, IV's inserted, EKG's, and tons of other things done.
I know what it's like to be there with that friend, and not have family ever come to visit.
I also know that my T cares, that this friend, and others care, even if family doesn't.
What I have learned, and I am by no means free from the claws of depression and suicidality, is that these friends matter so much; that if I can't find a reason to live, perhaps they can give me one.
Journaling is very important to me. I use it as a way to communicate things to my T when I can't say things. I write my journal by hand, partly because it's more convenient ( I can do it anytime, anywhere ) and partly because by looking at the handwriting, I know who wrote it and how they were feeling.
A plan to deal with suicidal feelings is really important. Knowing who you can call at any time of the day or night really helps. Having friends who know what is going on now really helps. A phone number that you can call in the middle of the night can be a lifesaver
Falls is very right, and really knows what happens. I trust just about everything she said in that post.
One thing that could be helpfull in an emergence plan is a list of phone numbers. The following might be good to keep with you:Emergency services,
Local emergency room
Close friend(s)
Therapist
Psychiatrist
Primary care doc.(for hospital reference)
Your own number. (when stressed, you can forget)
It's amazing what you might forget in the ER. Should you become hospitalized, the other numbers can make the task of aftercare easier for the social workers.Sometimes having a self-care plan can keep you from going deeper into the suicidal thoughts. It helps you to remember that the suicidality is more a result of the illness than what your rational mind wishes.
It sort of hurts me to know where you are coming from. These are feelings I would rather not know. If it helps to understand your pain right now, then in one sense it's a good thing. I hope that you can keep yourself out of that dark place.
Dee.
poster:deirdrehbrt
thread:356168
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040614/msgs/356575.html