Posted by fallsfall on May 7, 2004, at 21:33:39
In reply to Re: On the other hand, posted by spoc on May 7, 2004, at 16:44:06
> I think is the kind of thing I don't get about choosing a therapist most likely to be effective for oneself. I am pretty inexperienced in it all, and am not seeing a T now, but plan to someday. A recent short-lived experience looked as if it would end up falling along the lines of what you describe, which I also decided could be good. But in that case it ended up feeling "unsafe" coming from what was in fact a stranger, right out of the gate. I never sensed a a period of trust-building, during which he was getting to know me as a unique new case.
>
***My therapist and I spent a couple of months (twice a week) doing "history". My first sessions were dealing with leaving my old therapist, then we spent a long time talking about various aspects of my life (mostly past). By the time that we had finished that I had a strong sense that he cared - that he wanted to do what was right for me. There also were a couple of times when he was "warm and fuzzy" - but not all the time.So by the time he started with the harder stuff, I did feel like he was skilled and that he cared.
> Anyway, where does such a 'tough love' approach fit in with the theories of Ts who strongly encourage clients to need them, learn to trust with them, and get much of the warmth and compassion missing in their lives from them? If the client has ended up with a T who takes one approach, and they are uncomfortable or dissatisfied beyond 'normal' and expected levels of that, should they expect to be told (or at least have it conceded) that the other approach may be better for them? When one feels miserable for a long time, how do they know if wanting to leave is just running from something they shouldn't; or if in fact they should be running?
>
***I think some of it depends on what the background of the client is. I don't have a lot of trust issues - if anything I trust too much. I am also dependent whether or not he is warm (in fact, one reason I chose him was that he was a little more aloof and I hoped that it would help me keep a healthier distance). I would think that he would need to treat me differently if I was coming from a different background.***The other thing is that just because he challenges me and upsets me on a regular basis doesn't mean that I don't feel nurtured by him. His nurturing is more that I have no doubt that he is making choices in my best interest, than that he will hold me, or even provide a lot of sympathy. The fact that he pushes me hard is evidence that he DOES want what is best for me - I would be angry if I thought that we were wasting time because he was trying to be "nice" to me.
***It is very true that not every therapy style works for every client. The qualities I look for in a therapist are not very different from qualities I would look for in a mate or a friend. If you "interview" a therapist and they make you uncomfortable in the interview, then they probably aren't a good match for you.
> It's easy to guess at which personality types and types of issues would fare better with a tougher approach, and which with a gentler and more supportive/compassionate approach. But once there, I'm guessing most Ts would maintain that their approach is likely to be most effective in the long run. Sorry, this is broad and probing and there probably is no answer, beyond going with one's gut and hoping it can still be trusted! But thanks if anyone has any insights on this. :- )
***I think it is important to interview at least 3 therapists before choosing one. This gives you a chance to see how different styles come across. It was pretty clear to me which therapists I would like, which ones would be effective, and which ones just didn't fit with me at all.
poster:fallsfall
thread:343053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040503/msgs/344585.html