Posted by ghost on May 5, 2004, at 10:48:56
In reply to Re: angry after T session. (long) *possible trigge » ghost, posted by B2chica on May 5, 2004, at 10:27:54
> -say are you related to me? have had these issues as long as i can remember. Since i've been seeing a psychologist i've really been analyzing everything i do (more so than average). I told my T about how i can think of the right response like a day later or something...i just can't get it out the way i want. He said that sometimes when you are dealing with so much on the inside it blurs your expressive behavior, and that once you get some things out and deal with them your thought processes WILL get better.
i'm glad to know you know how i feel. i know *exactly* what you mean when it comes to thinking of good responses to things--- anything. they always come too late. even stupid things, like a school presentation when someone asks me a question and i have to think on the spot. a few days later, a great, articulate, well-worded response will come to me and i'll kick myself. or someone will do something that hurts me, and a few days later i'll think of something sharp and biting to say to make them realise how i feel, rather than just sucking it up and taking it when it happens.
maybe that's why writing is so much easier. there's always a backspace. there's always time to sit and formulate what you're going to say. there's no "escape" key in real life, so to speak.
> My friend took me to the ER and when they said they wanted me to be admitted and asked me if i would admit myself my friend wispered to me that if i checked myself in then i could check myself out.
good. that's good to know. it's nice that you have a friend nice enough to bring you to the ER, too.
it's funny, like fate or something, that someone msg'd me last night who i hadn't talked to in a really long time. we'd originally connected because we have similar problems with bipolar disorder and i was recently diagnosed and needed someone to connect with. anyhow. she said if i wanted to go to the ER that she would drag me there and then swear up and down that i tried to kill myself and her so they would admit me. i didn't want to enter under those conditions (being homocidal changes the situation a bit, and i'd never hurt anyone else), but apparently it's tough to get hospitalized in this state because there are a lot of problems with the state of mental healthcare right now.
> -they won't go to your house and take your pills but they will take everything away from you that they think you can hurt yourself with. they search Everything!
do they give it back? i have a swiss army knife on my keychain i'm rather attached to....
> -i don't know if they would let you bring your laptop, but personally i wouldn't cuz ANYONE could swipe it. (although i REALLY MISSED babble).
good point.
> Over all, the best thing about it was that the docs got to play around with my medication and watch me 24/7. and it's a good thing cuz while i was there i did make an attempt at my life...ended up with 7 sutures in my wrist....
wow. my friend last night was telling me about the med observations too. sometimes it's easier to change meds in a controlled environment. i have to agree with this.
> -i am sorry you are in so much pain...please hang on to the fact that even though it doesn't feel like it, things Will Get Better ghost. Besides, i'll be a little selfish here and say that i could really use you to talk to right now. I can really relate to your posts. Please hang on..even if it's by your fingernails. Cuz each one of us here at babble will take one of your hands, your belt loops and each of your bootstraps and pull your a$$ up! Just when you think you've fallen to deep, put your head up and look. we'll all be around you. hanging on.
i appreciate selfishness. heh. thanks. it does help to talk. and i like that i can relate to people. it kind of makes me feel more human. the urge for survival isn't really there yet, but the urge to be a real person again is almost tangible.
*big hugs* thanks for just being there. and for just knowing.
poster:ghost
thread:343454
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040503/msgs/343634.html