Posted by B2chica on May 5, 2004, at 10:27:54
In reply to Re: angry after T session. (long) *possible triggers*, posted by ghost on May 5, 2004, at 0:40:57
> thanks, fallen. i guess part of my problem is this severe inability to verbalize what i'm feeling. it's so easy for me to type this stuff or to write it on paper... but there's something about going from brain to mouth that i just can't do. i can't come out and say how i feel. when i feel this way, i'm like frozen.
-say are you related to me? have had these issues as long as i can remember. Since i've been seeing a psychologist i've really been analyzing everything i do (more so than average). I told my T about how i can think of the right response like a day later or something...i just can't get it out the way i want. He said that sometimes when you are dealing with so much on the inside it blurs your expressive behavior, and that once you get some things out and deal with them your thought processes WILL get better.
> ive never been hospitalized before. i both want it and am scared of it. if i tell them of my plans will they go to my house and take my pills? will they not let me wear shoelaces because i might hang myself? could i bring my laptop and would i get internet access? if i decided it wasn't working, would i be able to leave of my own free will? would it even help?
i just was H. for the first time ever...i had always had nightmares about being hospitalized an end up being locked up forever.
My friend took me to the ER and when they said they wanted me to be admitted and asked me if i would admit myself my friend wispered to me that if i checked myself in then i could check myself out.
-they won't go to your house and take your pills but they will take everything away from you that they think you can hurt yourself with. they search Everything!
-it's funny you should mention that about the shoelaces, that first night i had my husband bring some clothes- he brought them in a plastic grocery bag,, and my roommate pointed and said "you have contraband!" i asked her what she ment and she said were not allowed to have plastic bags cuz we might Smother ourselves. we both laughed a lot to that.
-i don't know if they would let you bring your laptop, but personally i wouldn't cuz ANYONE could swipe it. (although i REALLY MISSED babble).
- They told me when i checked in that the average stay was 2-3 days, i figured i'd just stay one night and then be better and go home...i ended up staying for two full weeks. then went to adult partial for three after that.
Over all, the best thing about it was that the docs got to play around with my medication and watch me 24/7. and it's a good thing cuz while i was there i did make an attempt at my life...ended up with 7 sutures in my wrist....
For me this was the best thing i could have done.
-i am sorry you are in so much pain...please hang on to the fact that even though it doesn't feel like it, things Will Get Better ghost. Besides, i'll be a little selfish here and say that i could really use you to talk to right now. I can really relate to your posts. Please hang on..even if it's by your fingernails. Cuz each one of us here at babble will take one of your hands, your belt loops and each of your bootstraps and pull your a$$ up! Just when you think you've fallen to deep, put your head up and look. we'll all be around you. hanging on.
With Much Love (((Ghost)))