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Today's session (a little long and wordy)

Posted by crushedout on April 12, 2004, at 16:29:45

In reply to Actually.... » Rigby, posted by crushedout on April 12, 2004, at 8:52:43

Well, I found out why my T (can we just call her “Ellen” for the sake of simplicity?) sent me that weird email basically dictating that our sessions this week be about what was bothering me about her. Last Monday, when I was feeling particularly desperate, I called another therapist -- a colleague of Ellen’s whose number Ellen had given me for a friend of mine -- to explore the possibility of switching to this other T (let’s call her “Dr. X”). Dr. X talked to me for awhile and I explained how I had gotten her number, the fact that Ellen didn’t know I was calling her, but that I wanted to explore the possibility of switching Ts because I wasn’t sure it was working out with mine. She kind of p’d me off because she said she didn’t think it was a good idea to talk until I had talked to Ellen about it (I explained that I felt I needed help just *talking* to Ellen about it and so that left me in a sort of catch-22) but what really bothered me was that she kept saying it was for my own good, but I knew it was because she didn’t want to step on her colleague’s toes. (I realize now it didn’t make much sense to call her in the first place -- if I’m going to switch Ts, I think I need one who doesn’t know my current one and who can be more objective.)

Anyway, Dr. X apparently told Ellen last week that I called her, just before Ellen sent me that weird email. Ellen told me today that she had been “alarmed and angered” by this news and that that was what made her realize she had to “insist” on us addressing the issues between us -- that everything else in my life (including my grandma’s death) she thought I could probably handle on my own, but that my feelings for her were really overwhelming me and were what I needed the most help with. I think she may be right about that, although I don’t think it needs to be that black and white. I also guess I understand why she might have been angry about my contacting Dr. X (although what justification Dr. X had for telling Ellen I called her I simply cannot imagine -- do you guys have any guesses? It seems really unfair and unhelpful to me), which is why I didn’t tell Ellen about it myself. After I called Dr. X, I felt that I’d betrayed Ellen even though I hadn’t said anything directly negative about Ellen, and I realized that if I told Ellen what I’d done she was going to be mad at me. So, I decided at least for the time being not to tell her.

So much more went on in the session that I still haven’t told you guys about, but I already feel I’ve overwhelmed you (and myself). So I’m going to stop there for now and take a few breaths. I’ll write more later. What do you guys think so far (if you have any thoughts)? The truth is, this whole Ellen/Dr. X issue is not very relevant at all to me, is it? Or is it? I dunno. I’m feeling like it’s overshadowing the rest of the session which was complicated and important. Any thoughts will be appreciated.


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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:crushedout thread:334773
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040409/msgs/335634.html