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Re: A little better

Posted by deirdrehbrt on March 18, 2004, at 18:40:07

In reply to A little better, posted by fallsfall on March 18, 2004, at 17:32:58

Hey Falls,
I'm so very happy that things went just a bit better this time, you deserve it.
Perhaps your T is at least partly right about the anger. I totally despise being angry, and I'm terribly afraid of those times when I might become angry. When I get angry, I hurt myself even more than when I'm not.
I suppose that it's partly due to the way emotions either were or weren't dealt with when I was young. Being angry alone was cause enough to get in trouble. If there were loud disagreements between me and my brothers, that too was met with physical punishment.
Perhaps when a child is taught that expressed anger is bad, doesn't learn how that anger itself isn't bad at all. We don't need to punish ourselves for it. We just need to prevent ourselves from being controlled by that anger.
I don't know how to do that yet. I'm still frightened by my anger and try to avoid expressing it almost always. If I do get anger, it's usually well after the incident that provoked it, and I usually try to find someone's permission to become angry.
Maybe it's a part of our generation's programming, that anger itself is bad. I guess we need to change things in ourselves. I suppose that my kids are already learning better than me; perhaps there, I'm succeeding in something. It's nice to see someone who can be angry, but that the anger doesn't consume them.
I'm sure that things will get better for you. You're working so terribly hard, and it will begin to pay off for you.




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