Posted by fallsfall on January 30, 2004, at 22:55:36
In reply to Re: What I need, posted by antigua on January 30, 2004, at 12:28:32
Antigua,
I think that it is unforgivable that your therapist abandoned you. As one who fears abandonment, I know only too well the intensity of that pain.
I have enough experience with this therapist to KNOW (with NO doubt) that he cares about me. And that he carefully makes decisions, and that he tries always to make them in my best interest. He tend to be quite blank slate, but once in a while his human side shows through - and he is a deeply caring man. I also have enormous respect for his intellect and experience. I looked around before I chose him, and I believe strongly that we are a good fit.
This doesn't mean that he never makes mistakes. He does, and we talk about them. He also really does try to explain to me why he makes certain decisions. In this case he told me specifically that he was NOT going to validate that what I had done was important BECAUSE he felt that if he did so that it would not be helpful to me in the long run. So while I was hurting (because he didn't validate me), I was also hearing that it was for "my own good". Now, that isn't always what we want to hear. And it wasn't what I wanted to hear yesterday. But at least I knew that he was trying his best to "care" for me - and as much as I felt "bad", I did NOT feel "hopeless". I knew that if I couldn't work through the "bad" that I could page him and that he would call me back and that we could talk about it. I KNEW that it would BE OK, even if it didn't FEEL OK at the time.
I did ask for this - when I chose him for my therapist he asked why him over the others. My answer was that he was efficient - he didn't waste time on things that weren't important. And this is what he is giving me now. Instead of waiting for the next time when he could encourage me to validate myself, he chose to do it now. I support that - most of the agony associated with finding this pattern had past.
I know he can sound harsh (but I truly hear the softness of his caring every time). My pain can be intense (but I do have enough coping skills to call for help before it is too late). You all have helped me time and again to process the information, and I thank you. The system works for me (and I hope that it doesn't NOT work for you).
poster:fallsfall
thread:307199
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040123/msgs/307577.html