Posted by fallsfall on January 30, 2004, at 12:35:49
In reply to Re: What I need, posted by antigua on January 30, 2004, at 12:28:32
Yes, Dinah. I do believe that if I am very good that everything SHOULD be OK. I am crushed that the world doesn't really work that way.
Karen, I do think that he is viewing this as a teaching opportunity.
Penny, I didn't talk about turning my heart inside out with him. I do know that the work I did was important, but when he didn't validate it I started to question if that was really true. He did give me a little to hold on to, though - he said that "I knew that the work was important". So even though he didn't validate that the work was important, he acknowledged that the work felt important to me (and didn't say I was an idiot for feeling that way).
I felt last night like the work I had done was bad. I don't feel that way now. I think that what I did was important. I think that he just wanted me to learn a second lesson at the same time. He wanted me to learn that just because I'm NOT validated (like my parents didn't validate me) doesn't mean that what I'm doing isn't good. That I need to be able to give myself the gratification, rather than require it from somebody else. This doesn't mean that gratification from other people is wrong or bad. It really is wonderful and makes me feel good and all that stuff. But gratification from other people only works for that one time. If I can gratify myself by validating myself, I can do it all of the times. Sort of like the difference between giving someone a fish to eat, and teaching them how to fish. He didn't validate that what I had done was important because his hands were full of fishing poles instead.
I don't know if my therapist would fit in your group of middleaged wonderful therapists. He makes me work so very hard - learning the pattern and this lesson at the same time. And I go through a lot of pain as I am working so hard. He is definately not for everyone. But I have always preferred to take the short path, even though it is usually harder. And that is where he takes me. I think he really does fit me pretty well.
Thank you for adding your perspectives here. They help to make my hard work a little easier.
poster:fallsfall
thread:307199
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040123/msgs/307307.html