Posted by DaisyM on January 30, 2004, at 21:22:06
In reply to Re: This is my biggest fear!, posted by gardenergirl on January 30, 2004, at 21:07:56
Thank you for offering to hold my hand...it feels sweet.
I have started to tell him all the awful stuff, we've gone from general statements to more specific incidences. For the last two weeks, we've really been dealing with the ugly stuff. I trust him tons...he tells me I'm doing fine and that he wants to hear it, all of it, in detail, when I'm ready. I told him yesterday how much I was afraid he would walk away, decide I was too screwed up to handle, this isn't how we started so it is more than he anticipated. He tells me he totally understands why I'm afraid, why I need to only rely on me...but that he isn't going anywhere no matter how hard I try to push him away. In fact, when I react like this he always wants me to come more. (He's pushy that way!)
So the fear has no real basis in the present day. But it is HUGE. And it threatens to smother me. It makes me feel 9 years old. And I hate that!
I keep thinking about Karen, who is struggling to get her memories back. I totally sympathize with her, but I want mine to go away!
And then I read posts like antigua's and I allow it to feed the fear. My control over all of this is slipping and I feel it bleeding into the rest of my life. And I hate that too.
Never should have opened this Pandora's box...never...never...
poster:DaisyM
thread:307199
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040123/msgs/307530.html