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It's the sound too! antigua

Posted by Karen_kay on January 8, 2004, at 16:32:42

In reply to Re: talking about traumas in therapy.. Karen_kay, posted by antigua on January 8, 2004, at 15:57:45

When I vacuum, I have to stand with my back to the wall. And I constantly keep watching everywhere. Usually I'm ok since I've identified why I do it. But, I noticed last night it was bad.... Really bad... I saw my reflection in the door window and I screamed... I'm keeping all of my lights on in my house... I hate feeling like this... I used to think that I was afraid of ghosts or a demon was coming to get me. Now I realize exactly what it was that was coming to get me and since then I haven't been scared like this. I just DON'T get it... And usually when I get this way and the anxiety level is this high I start to hallucinate...I'm just really scared right now...I've had to deal with being terrified like this long enough and actually thinking that I was crazy and when I honestly think that I have a chance to start over and that this feeling is gone, it begins again.....I don't understand why.. I really don't. I just think maybe I'm a horrible preson or something and I deserve this. I know that's not true but man, it's crap that I have to start feeling like this again. Real crap! I guess maybe it's a sign tht *something's* coming?? Holding on to my pants... It's going to be a bumpy ride. I like rollercoasters and all, but I'm getting tired of this one!!! :(




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