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Re: talking about traumas in therapy.. Pfinstegg

Posted by Karen_kay on January 8, 2004, at 15:29:05

In reply to talking about traumas in therapy.. Karen_kay, posted by Pfinstegg on January 7, 2004, at 20:21:59

Hello Pfinstegg. I had a reply for you but my computer froze up. I just couldn't do it all over again the same day. I'm sure you understand.
I'm glad you're posting again. I read that you're working hard in therapy. Take your time and go at a rate that feels comfortable for you (both here and there!).. And if you need support, we're always here for you, promise :) We're like Cheers, everybody knows your name and we're always glad you came!

I understand what you are saying about the high levels of emotional distress. I've always been especially sensitive to stress. Granted, I perform better under pressure but when I get to a certain point, I just can't handle it anymore. And what's funny is that I've had some pretty irrational fears since I can remember. I've always been terribly frightened to close my eyes in the shower (I can only wash my face with one eye closed at a time), and when I go to sleep at night if my bedroom door is ajar I just keep staring at it. I don't feel safe unless it is closed completely. Now that I recognize what has happened to me, I am able to close my eyes in the shower, with a small amount of fear, but I force myself to keep my eyes closed just a bit longer and I KNOW that no one is there when I open them. Also, I still continue to leave my bedroom door open. I still have the fear, but it is going away. Before I understood why, I honestly thought I was a CHICKEN (cluck cluck cluck) or delusional. And when I am depressed or highly anxious, these fears were worse and my doctor thought I was delusional. It makes sense now. I still am in the habit of watching doorways, I still watch windows, afraid that he's coming to get me. But it isn't nearly as bad as it was. And I'm coping. But, when I have a nightmare and my anxiety level goes up, the fear comes back and I'm just this scared little girl all over again. BUT I refuse to tell my therapist. And I don't know why. Maybe he won't believe me? Maybe I want to do it all on my own? Maybe he'll put me back in the hospital? Maybe I'm scared I'll need him? It's just that I've odne it all on my own this long, why should I need someone to help me all of the sudden now? And it is his fault that all of this is coming up. Sorry, I feel like I'm turning this thread into "All about Karen" I'm just kinda feeling lost agian. Seems the anxiety is hitting me. I need to start thinking about the dream. But I don't understand. The dream is about forgiving my father, but how can I forgive him if I honestly don't feel ANYTHING about it.... Can someone help me here?????? Please....


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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:Karen_kay thread:294726
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040102/msgs/298202.html