Posted by Rigby on December 30, 2003, at 10:09:48
In reply to I'm lost, posted by DaisyM on December 29, 2003, at 22:35:38
Hi Daisy,
I used to feel very, very dependent upon my therapist. The only thing that seemed to feel worse than the dependency was the anger towards her (and her whole profession) for encouraging it.
To this day I still question if it's necessarily such a great thing for the client to become so dependent. I can't see any downside for the therapist: heck, they get a steady paying client who they can justify is getting better by "opening up" but we, if we don't feel better get *nothing* but a dependency upon someone who will not and can not be anything to us outside of this room that we rent for X number of dollars an hour.
In terms of feeling less dependent, that happened with me--I'm not sure how but it was a painful journey. I just felt awful for about a year and a half, tried to quit a number of times and then, well, just eventually felt okay sort of making my peace with this practioner in the office that helps me. Yeah, she cares about me I'm sure but I think there's boundaries there. I finally realized that I don't know her, truly do not know her enough to know whether or not I care about her or would even like her outside her office--I simply do not know how she conducts her life or what she's like so I truly do not know.
I do think the process of having a skilled listener is helpful--they can tease out patterns, analyze dreams and actions you take--it can be helpful. But the whole dependency/transference thing which I feel is something I no longer am in at the moment, well, I wonder about that. Maybe it's because my therapist really did cross boundaries that I wonder about the helpfulness of getting that intense with the therapist.
I suppose being aware of your discomfort with this dependency might be a good thing--a good issue to work through; chances are if you're uncomfortable with it you'll work through it--consciously or not you're brain and heart just won't want to stay there.
> I truly don't get this dependency thing. I don't want to need my Therapist but when we have really intense sessions (like today) I just don't want to talk to anyone else about the after-effects. I think I need therapy to process therapy! But, I know this isn't healthy either. I keep thinking I should figure this out better.
>
> To make matters worse, he's gone now until next Monday - but available by phone. I feel sort of abandoned, I can't help it, even though I *rationally* know it is a Holiday weekend. :(
>
> I don't know whether I feel worse about the content of today's session or about the fact that he's gone.
>
> I need suggestions, survival stories, and chocolate. In any order.
> -D
poster:Rigby
thread:294529
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031221/msgs/294643.html