Posted by Karen_kay on December 3, 2003, at 14:15:54
In reply to Re: Therapist gives in once again, posted by lookdownfish on December 2, 2003, at 16:21:10
<<I don't persuade him to, I wait until he doesn't and then ask why. As much as I would like to hear him say I'm beautiful, I'd rather him stand his ground and set firm boundaries for once. That is what I need. So often, people give in to me and I need someone who won't. And that is why I ask him about it. To see how he will answer. To see if I can get him to change his mind. And he does every time. I'm not sure if he does it just to get me to move on, or if he thinks that it is important to me. What is important is that he does what he says. And he isn't. So, how can I trust him? I know I'm wasting a lot of time doing this (Daisy M are you reading this? :)] but, it says a lot about how much I've been hurt in the past too. This is a lot of my problem. He should know this by now, shouldn't he? Ummmm.. he is CBT by the way. I actually censor a lot of what I tell him because I want to look good, perfect. I don't want him to know what I'm thinking all of the time, most of the time, any of the time.
> You are persuading him to pay you the compliment and also trying to tell him that he needs to stand his ground. Which of these options do you want most? It's a paradox, like, I would love my therapist to invite me out for a pizza, but if she actually did it, I would be horrified at her lack of discipline and boundary breaking. You're lucky you don't have someone really tough and mean like my therapist. She never says anything nice to me. Sorry I can't remember - is your guy a psychoanalytic therapist? They are not supposed to give you gratification, because that temporarily alleviates your pain and sense of deprivation, instead of getting to the bottom of it... and telling you you look beautiful is definitely gratification.
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poster:Karen_kay
thread:285945
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031202/msgs/286247.html