Posted by Dinah on November 26, 2003, at 15:44:40
I was wondering about memory, and how odd it can be. My therapist and I were talking about the time when I was a pre-teen who apparently threatened suicide more often than was considered acceptable, and by means of slashing my wrists, I take it. One of my parents handed me a large kitchen knife, and told me to go ahead and do it if I was going to do it. I remember sitting in the rocker. I remember being handed the knife and holding it. I remember exactly how the knife looked against my arm against the rocker wood. I remember exactly the tone of voice. I remember exactly how shamed and rage-filled I felt. I remember my hatred and what I was thinking. But for the life of me, I can't identify the voice. I can't see the hand that handed the knife to me. I remember seeing the person heading to the kitchen to get the knife, but I can't picture whose back it was. Why would the details that identified which parent it was be obscured? Of all the memories of that event, why is only the identity of my parent blanked out? I can figure out by logical deduction that it must have been my mother. My father would have probably just walked away in disgust.
I just don't get it. I have memories like that, where the memory is intact, but certain parts of it are smoothed out. Like I remember being teased and tormented in middle school. I remember everything from my shoes to my tormentors shoes, how I felt, where I was standing, what teacher was nearby, who was taunting, but I can't recall what it is that they said.
Is that just the way memory works? Can memories be as clear as a photograph but with fuzzy spots on it? It's the darndest thing.
poster:Dinah
thread:284170
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031123/msgs/284170.html