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Re: Memories again - too long, don't bother » Dinah

Posted by mair on November 30, 2003, at 10:41:43

In reply to Re: Memories again - too long, don't bother, posted by Dinah on November 29, 2003, at 23:57:50

Dinah

A couple of years ago, my therapist had me recording, at the end of each day, 3 good things about myself arising from that day and 3 good things about myself as a child. I abandoned this exercise fairly quickly because I could never really figure out what she meant about the present, and despite a concerted effort, could remember very few good things about myself from the past. I can remember a few incidents rather vividly in which I felt some emotional pain because of something a parent or a sibling did or didn't do. They sound pretty inocuous now and it's more than a little horrifying to me, as a mother, to realize that a child can take these small events so much to heart that she's still carrying them around as emotional baggage many decades later.

Most of the good memories I have ( and there are plenty of them ) are memories I share with my siblings; I don't play much of a role in those, or certainly not a major or positive role, so I can't use them to tell myself that I ever did something "good." To the contrary I'm more likely to use them to tell myself that I had a very "normal" childhood and there is no reason why I should become a depressed adult.

I don't know whether my memory lapses are selective memory or simply arise because maybe I filter out the "good", as it relates to me, and focus on the bad. I do have this uncanny ability to totally forget what transpired in a therapy session from one day to the next. My sessions very frequently begin with my therapist reminding me of where we left off. However, while these memory lapses destroy the continuity of a good discussion, my therapist points out that the lapses also enable me to function in between sessions without being overwelmed by the emotions which go along with more difficult topics.

I guess all of this is a long way of saying that I think our memories and memory lapses serve some purpose for us and because of this, the "why" is understandably important.

Mair


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