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Re: Oh man/ fallsfall

Posted by kara lynne on November 9, 2003, at 2:30:42

In reply to Re: Oh man » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on November 8, 2003, at 22:30:51

Hi falls,
Thanks for your post. What's vexing me is that she'll go out of her way sometimes--arranging this lunch on Monday for instance, in her demonstration of support for me. But she unquestionably (well ok, I can't technically be that objective) was not paying attention last week, and forgot entirely the day before. I mean she sat there talking about the people outside and skimmed right past what she was supposed to be reading that I had handed her. It's happened a couple of other times--one incident was particularly disturbing. And that one resulted directly from the dual relationship you mentioned; she allowed herself behavior I'm sure she wouldn't have with someone else. I certainly have had transference issues come up in the past, and we have been able to clear them up. I brought up her forgetting the appt. to try to clear more of them up. But this brings awkward to new dimensions for me--to have to confront her about such an embarassing lapse of conduct. I think it will make her uncomfortable, and she might deny it.

It's just so strange--she screwed up, and it seemed like she was trying to do damage control. She left a couple of suspicious messages after she forgot the appt.; she's never done that before. I wondered, could she possibly be feeling guilty and trying to scramble around here to clean it up? And she knows I'm aware of these things, and that I'm not easily fooled. That's why I also wonder if it didn't throw her entirely off track with me the next day and have kind of a snowballing effect. She looked at me for a second, as I took the email back and said we just seemed to be missing each other, and apologized--almost like she was really embarassed herself. But I don't know how much conversation we'll be able to have about it.

I'm nervous about this meeting Monday. I feel so bad about what happened that I'm going to have a hard time pretending to be cheery and grateful, participating in a lunch arranged to help me out. And I have mixed feelings about starting to see people at her office, although I'm in no postion to look a gift horse in the mouth--wherever in he*l that expression came from.

I'm really tired--I'm going to stop writing until I have some rest and can form complete sentences without having to think this hard.

Hope to talk to you tomorrow.


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poster:kara lynne thread:277342
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031030/msgs/277845.html