Posted by shar on November 25, 2003, at 21:22:35
In reply to A tiny sweet story of my father, posted by Jai on November 25, 2003, at 8:09:20
Well, my father died when I was 14. It was all terribly chaotic; he had cancer and we were stationed in Germany, and he went to the States before us. He died three months later.
I can't even begin to imagine the terrible grief my mother felt, who had to stay in Germany and pack all our belongings, deal with the Air Force, get us all our shots, and we left school in 'backward' Germany to reappear in the States with 'new math' which I promptly failed ('tho I was trilingual by then.....).
My sister lived with relatives, I was making top notch standardized test scores, while failing school.
I last saw him after his last surgery, in ICU, for brain tumors. His head wrapped in white gauze. He didn't really know me, but he reached his hand toward me.
That was the bad old days when people didn't talk about death and dying. After his funeral, as I wept, nobody talked to me.
Now, I do hospice work. I provide respite care for people who have dying relatives at home. I went through weeks of training, and, so far, seem to be the Angel of Death.....everyone seems to die after a visit or two from me, some even before I visit.
Hospice means folks who have stopped curative care. They are estimated to have 6 or less months to live. Some are so open about dying, talking to their families...some have to fight their families to get an Out of Hospital "do not resuscitate" order (so, there won't be an attempt to revive them where there is no hope).
It feels good to provide respite to the caretakers, who are grieving, and usually exhausted. And, to be with the folks who know their time is limited.
Had I had a chance to talk to my dad (before 'talking about death is taboo' was the rule), I wonder if he could have let me know his wishes and dreams for me. I had a dream once, he and I were walking down a beach, holding hands, and we were talking about things I might do, and then there was a party, and he seemed to have an aura about him, and I ran and jumped into his arms, and said "I don't want you to die!" and wept and wept.
Shar
poster:shar
thread:280706
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/283819.html