Posted by PHV on October 18, 2003, at 23:40:46
In reply to Welcome!, posted by Dr. Bob on September 4, 2003, at 7:15:59
Hi there. I thought I was miles ahead in my grieving process from the great losses I've suffered w/in the past year - but was thrown for a loop last evening.
A little over one year ago, the matriarch of our family, my grandmother passed away. She had been gravely ill for so many years, I became accustomed to her always pulling through. I don't think I was really prepared when she passed away. One of the most difficult things was that her sister lived with her for their entire lives. Her sister (my great aunt) had never had to taken care of herself for over 80 years. My aunt suffered such extreme depression and her health continued to fail for many months - with no one except another aunt and myself to care for her. She shocked us all during her road to recovery, and unexpectedly passed away just five months after her sister. They have been a part of my whole entire life and I can't get over how great a loss their deaths have contributed to this family. Halloween coming up is quite bothersome especially. We have brought my nieces and nephews over to their house in costume every year to see them - and last year we brought them over to seem my aunt - after my grandmother had passed. Now on this year, my neice told me they aren't there anymore so we don't need to go over there.
Last night my boyfriend and I were driving home from dinner. We went through the neighborhood where one of my best girlfriends lived a year ago. She died in her very early 30's earlier this year from a brain tumor - leaving behind her husband and three year old child. It was the most traumatic two plus years of our lives - watching a virtully young, healthy woman lose her fight with brain cancer when she wanted so much to live.
Since I started taking Lex in July - due to the difficulty of handling these close deaths - I seemed to really be burying some of these feelings of grief. But when we drove through my girlfriend's neighborhood last night - I couldh't help but think so much about what we were doing this time last year when she still seemed so unseemly healthy and we thought she would make it. She did so well for so long - and then within a matter of weeks, her tiny little body was overwhelmed with the tumor and took her away from us so quickly. I don't understand how God can take away such a wonderful person such as Beth. She was such sweet, smart person who loved her husband and her son more than anything in the world. I just don't understand how something so terrible can happen to such a good person.
Her husband sold their house within a month of so after her passing and bought a house just a few blocks from my home. I see him regularly. He initially started making me feel better - that he and their son were moving ahead with their lives. After all - they had over 2 + years to deal with the reality that lied ahead - so there had to be some sort of relief when she was gone. On the otherhand, sometimes I look at him - and all I can think of is this poor young man in his early 30's being a single parent and a widower from losing the love of his life.
I dunno. I get so emotional for not over the extreme losses in my life - but for the tolls it has taken on some of the loved ones.
I know dying is a part of life . . . I guess I'm just having a really bad day - missing the three beautiful women who left my life so quickly.
Thank you all for listening.