Posted by jay on October 4, 2003, at 2:57:25
In reply to Re: Thanx folks..Susan, Dinah, Shar, posted by Susan J on October 1, 2003, at 8:43:23
> Jay,
>
> Good to hear you are feeling a bit better. I had one other thought, or maybe someone else has posted it here and it just happened to ring very true for me.
>
> It's almost scary to *stop* grieving for someone you've lost. It's almost like -- if the grief is gone, it somehow devalues how much you truly loved the person. But that's not true. Your love for people was HUGE, even if you do start to feel better. Once you feel better, you can look back fondly on memories and experience the connection to the in a whole different, and much happier way.
>
>Susan...thanks so much for the post, again. It's just been awful these past few weeks, but yesterday with some simple help and a med change, I am in a more positive mood. That's what scares me *so* much, is those 'black' moods.
I've known for a very long time that 'death' of anyone I loved would put me into a scary place that I would not know how to deal with. When life came along and 'whacked' me with the death of my child and girlfriend (my daughters Mom...we where to marry), coupled with my depressive problems, I felt that was 'it'...game over...end of story. Yeah, I crumpled under it all.
The scars don't leave...and as I see my folks getting older, and older relatives dying, I've felt way to close to 'death'...not far away enough towards 'life'. I've tried to let time heal, and I always said to myself.."just wait it out...*something* will come up.."...whatever that is supposed to mean. I am back at a bit of an 'upswing' (touch wood!), so I do feel a bit better, but 'tis such a long road. I said before in a past post..."You can never break the chain..", and that's like what you said...you don't really ever stop grieving. And you also never stop loving the 'lost ones', but that one term that griefologists use, "Acceptance" slowly comes along in tiny little pieces, but in no order and are often hard to put together.
I used to wonder..."if someone survives something like this...what kind of person come out the other end?" That goes for all of us, with so many different loses. There is still some kind of small, flickering light in me that thinks yet a better person can come of all of this, despite all of the baggage and scars.
Anyhow...thanks for the very kind and insightful post...
Sincerely,
Jay
poster:jay
thread:263015
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/265453.html