Posted by shar on September 27, 2003, at 17:18:06
In reply to Is knowing and loving someone worth......, posted by jay on September 24, 2003, at 17:32:42
> Ohh..I know...self-pity...
Jay,
(1) "Self-pity" used in the negative way you did against yourself, ought to be against the law, imo. Feeling hurt, sadness, pain, loneliness....is all minimized as "self-pity." I believe a therapist who uses the term ought to be suspended. Many times, we are the only ones who DO have empathy for ourselves (ie, kids from abusive homes).(2) I have this Jungian tape that says to feel better we may believe we need love (this is about abused kids). But, we can have love coming out our ears and still feel bad. What we need is a general caring for ourselves, self-respect for our qualities (even if imperfect), and treating ourselves well. That self-guidance, common sense, and using our well-developed intuition is what will accomplish the goal of feeling better. (From the abused kids angle, this is developing an internal 'mother' and if your external mother has failed you once, it is unlikely she will come thru at a later time.)
That may not help you at all, but it made an impression on me. It sounds like there is nothing inside of you providing warmth and care.
Grieving for a lost love makes sense; it fractures our lives; I think some people grieve their whole lives for that. But, maybe some internal, general caring (and meds, therapy, etc.) could help.
In the meantime, I'm happy to hear that you have a canine companion who thinks you're the cat's pajamas!
Good luck,
Shar
poster:shar
thread:263015
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/263785.html