Posted by corafree on January 30, 2005, at 15:39:32
In reply to Re: 1st anniversary of Dad's death - MADE IT THIS FAR » corafree, posted by not2late4u on January 30, 2005, at 14:31:01
I thought maybe my Dad would be like a go-between, between God and I, the way he was a go-between between people and I. I had no many bad relationships and my father, just knowing he was here, kept me from hurting myself as result of a breakup.
The times that I did try commit suicide are hard to describe. They didn't occur when someone left me. They occured when I kept a hold of too much pain and it/I sank deep into my chest; referred to as a black hole w/o any light/hope to see. Couldn't see or think, until just before I would begon passing out; I thought of my children. I am selfish. I hate behaving like a child that way; I rationalize really well.
Some people have told me I am selfish; I must rationalize it away w/o even knowing what I'm doing, because I can never say, honestly, 'oh, yes, that was or is selfish of me.'
When did you first feel SURE about God's heaven? Did you go to church or a church school? Have you read the bible? I cannot read well now with memory and concentration probs'. TY {Renee}} cf
poster:corafree
thread:448988
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20050111/msgs/450209.html