Posted by karen_kay on May 27, 2008, at 10:24:31
In reply to Grief of Self, posted by okydoky on May 24, 2008, at 23:10:42
jeez, i hear ya! i think i really do understand what you're saying. when i was younger (40 years ago! i'm jsut kiddin, i'll be 29 this year and that big 30 is coming fast!!!), i used to want soooo badly to help the world somehow. but, i never knew how really. i felt everythign i did was jsut nothign in comparison to what others have accomplished.
i wanted a career. somethign that would help people, somehow. and i knew that was my purtpose, yet it hurt so fuckign bad knowing i wasn't doing it, you know?
so yeah, i really do grieve for that person i wanted to become. but you know what, in a way, i am that person, just not how i envisioned it. (i don't know if this makes sense at all). but, i'm just 'doing my thing' right now, raising a wonderful son who will have respect, honor, morals (well, kinda :) and treat women with respect. i'm doing my part right now, even if it doesn't feel like it.
and, i still know that i can do those thigns i've always wanted to.
i can change the world, one way or another dear. and you can too. sh*t, who knows, maybe jsut by posting here we're doing something, you know?
sometimes i really don't like talking (writing, whatever) about this stuff. because, like you, it does get to me a bit. but i know whatever my purpose is here, i'll fullfill it, even if it doesn't seem like i'm doign a damn thing but writing silly jokes, changing diapers, and singing nursery ryhmes till my head does numb.
i hear you hun, loud and clear (i think?)
people change thigns, without even knowing. and trust me, there are plenty of people in your place right now. i'm one of em!
take care fo yourself. you're doign a good job. grieve, but please don't regret. that's how you learn, you know?
tata!
kk
poster:karen_kay
thread:830983
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20080422/msgs/831387.html