Posted by okydoky on May 25, 2008, at 13:55:13
In reply to Re: Grief of Self » okydoky, posted by Phillipa on May 25, 2008, at 12:38:35
"Thanks but I don't feel better isn't that weird? did in the car but when got home felt like leaving again and then the screaming started just like when I was a kid with my Mother only not it a husband."I wonder why you are able to experience feeling good from your own accomplishments but what is grabbing it away from you and why? Is it being home or would your spirits drop regardless of where or with whom you are with? Can you hold onto that self esteem in other circumstances? Do you find yourself with a mate who interacts with you, at least on some occasions, in a similar pattern as with your Mother? I think this is very common. I'm not saying youre in an abusive relationship her but using the following example. Many women who find themselves in abusive relationships got there because right or wrong the interaction, even if it were not obvious and on the surface at the beginning was familiar to them. It is what in there lives has been the "norm" from childhood. It could have been by direct experience or by the observation of the child of the parents. (More my case I think). Could you change your behavior or how you react and would it help?
"I gave him his wish a day alone. Seems the more I give the worse off I am. Don't know why?"
What are you giving? Time, work, emotion...? What makes you worse off? It sounds like it is never enough? IS it asking too much of you? You need to take care of your own needs. Pleasing someone else can only ever be a part of one's own needs.
"You are younger than me you must have something you would like to do? No good days at all in your past?"
I have had good days in the past. Not for several years now though. I think the memory is the only thing that sustains me at all. Knowing that as few as they were there were times I felt alive. Times I looked towards a future and things I still wanted to do. When nothing within myself or outside lifts my mood what then would I want to do? Nothing!
Youre going to figure it all out. I just know it. You want to and that means everything.
Take care in the meantime,
oky
poster:okydoky
thread:830983
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20080422/msgs/831075.html