Posted by Dinah on March 20, 2014, at 17:23:27 [reposted on March 20, 2014, at 23:06:29 | original URL]
In reply to Re: blocked for week » Twinleaf, posted by Dr. Bob on March 20, 2014, at 2:06:44
Dr. Bob, in my last post I spoke from my mind.
Now I'll speak from my heart.
Do you realize that you blocked Twinleaf on a post, and series of posts, where she is being fearlessly authentic and trying to tell you of the distress and feelings of rejection she has had in her dealings with you? And that in blocking her, she could see your actions as validating those feelings of rejection?
I agree with 10der that I understand why, under the Babble rules I knew, *some* of her words might be considered uncivil. I can understand your feeling frustrated as to the best way to stop the behavior. But couldn't you reach out to the underlying pain and feelings of rejection, the sense that you don't value her, instead of blocking her? Can you understand why someone who sees some people posting what they post to others and get met by amusement and kind words from you, and yet who repeatedly is blocked for far less than calling someone a prick, might be hurt and feel rejected? Do you think blocking someone for words that arise from that sense of hurt is the most productive response? I'd likely just come back feeling even more alienated and unvalued by you. (I hope she knows she's very much valued by fellow posters.) This might well lead to further expressions of feelings in a way you might not like. Might it not be more productive to address the underlying feelings?
And, if you actually feel pain from her words, perhaps you could express the fact that her words affect you. Because I often think, and others might think, that you're well enough shielded to not much care what we say.
You've been thoughtful enough to sense that my interactions with you, and your restructuring of Babble, have cost me a fair amount of pain, and not inconsiderable feelings of abandonment and loss. I do feel that I'm not particularly welcome here because I really can't embrace your new vision. Had I stayed, I'd have likely ended up being repeatedly blocked myself. I figured you would prefer I left with no fuss or bother. If I feel that bad just from your turning Babble into a place where I can't be, try to imagine how Twinleaf feels.
Not that I can speak for Twinleaf. But that's how I'd feel if I were in her position.
poster:Dinah
thread:1062899
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20140304/msgs/1062905.html