Posted by Dr. Bob on March 21, 2014, at 0:25:13
In reply to Re: blocked for week » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on March 20, 2014, at 23:06:29
> I truly don't understand. I thought the new paradigm was that people were supposed to use their shields when met with incivility. You think that vulnerable people who use your mental health site should use their shields when met with incivility because it's good for them, if I understand correctly.
I think all people are better able to protect themselves if they use their shields.
> Do you realize that you blocked Twinleaf on a post, and series of posts, where she is being fearlessly authentic and trying to tell you of the distress and feelings of rejection she has had in her dealings with you? And that in blocking her, she could see your actions as validating those feelings of rejection?
Yes. But feeling rejected doesn't justify incivility. Two wrongs don't make a right.
> Can you understand why someone who sees some people posting what they post to others and get met by amusement and kind words from you, and yet who repeatedly is blocked for far less than calling someone a prick, might be hurt and feel rejected?
Yes. So I asked her if she wanted to join Lou and Adorable's club:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20131217/msgs/1059467.html
And she said she didn't want there to be clubs:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20131217/msgs/1059636.html
> couldn't you reach out to the underlying pain and feelings of rejection, the sense that you don't value her, instead of blocking her? ... Might it not be more productive to address the underlying feelings?
I really can't be a therapist to her.
> I often think, and others might think, that you're well enough shielded to not much care what we say.
One reason I'm not showing her leniency is to balance the view of some posters that she's civil.
> I do feel that I'm not particularly welcome here because I really can't embrace your new vision. Had I stayed, I'd have likely ended up being repeatedly blocked myself. I figured you would prefer I left with no fuss or bother.
Different points of view are fine, and in fact encouraged. Those who are repeatedly blocked are welcome back. What I'd prefer is for us to work out a way to coexist despite our differences.
> If I feel that bad just from your turning Babble into a place where I can't be, try to imagine how Twinleaf feels.
>
> Dinah> I see the incivility in each of TL's posts where she has been warned and now blocked. If I knew how to help her see it clearly, I would do that, but I have tried and tried and tried in the past and concluded that my explanations aren't effective for her in some way I can't figure out.
>
> 10derheartI can imagine how she feels. I (maybe like 10der) have a harder time imagining why she keeps being uncivil.
> I honestly don't understand the policies of this site. Even if you have decided to suspend the civility rules towards some posters, for some reason known best to yourself, why not extend that to Twinleaf? ... is it not in your best interests to deal with the fact that people really are having a difficult time figuring out the current policies of this site?
>
> DinahInstead of seeing me as suspending the rules for some posters, could you think of me as making accommodations for them? Does Twinleaf need accommodations? If so, why? Is she having a difficult time figuring out the civility policies? Is that be an acceptable rationale?
Bob
a brilliant and reticent Web mastermind -- The New York Times
backpedals well -- PartlyCloudy
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:1062899
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20140304/msgs/1062914.html