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Re: rules

Posted by Dr. Bob on July 30, 2006, at 3:57:17

In reply to Re: question gardenergirl, posted by laima on July 28, 2006, at 22:16:24

> What's the goal? Humilate the real sufferer, or reward the person mildly or righteously offended by what might even be a rather trivial rule infraction?

The goal is civility. Which facilitates support. Unfortunately, people may sometimes feel humiliated, but that's not the goal.

> there appear to be discussions about some genuine, obvious offenses, but also a few that appear dubious, trivial- or just plain confusing.

It sounds like we agree that lines need to be drawn. But where exactly to draw them is a different issue, and reasonable people can disagree.

> What's to stop, theoretically speaking, someone from zipping all over the site, being offended by everything, and turning everyone in? They'd get a lot of attention, I gather.

They probably would. It's not in the FAQ yet, but there's a 3-objection rule:

> I am concerned that some people, who might post a plea for help or while obviously in trouble, might ... attract enourmous attention about whether or not there was a real infraction of rules ... and meanwhile, the original poster's core concern gets ignored

I agree, that's why those discussions are redirected here -- and why it's important not to get so preoccupied with rules that we forget about support.

> Perhaps there could be an area for dicier discussions, "use at your own risk", where people promise to be on their best behavior, yet acknowledge someone could end up offended?
> -But no, it's not my site-

This site isn't, but that dicier site could be... :-)

> I just still wish that there was more flexability, that so many people weren't afraid to write stuff out of fear of accidently causing offense or breaking a rule

> The warnings almost appear pre-emptive sometimes.

What would more flexibility be based on? The thing about flexibility is that it can be seen as unfair.

I think fear is an important, but distinct, issue. But if someone's never been warned, the most that can happen is they'll be warned (to attempt to preempt a block). And if they've been warned, but never blocked, the most that can happen is they'll be blocked from posting for a week. If they've already been blocked repeatedly, it's true, more is at stake. One way to look at it is:

> > Part of learning how to deal with others might just be for people to be uncivil, have that pointed out by Dr. Bob and other members, and then work on appropriate alternate behaviors, and then keep posting. I have seen that happen many times here. There is the possibility for growth in this setting, kind of like group therapy, and I think people should take advantage of that.

Thanks for contributing to this discussion,





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