Posted by cloudydaze on July 30, 2006, at 18:28:14
In reply to Re: finally... » cloudydaze, posted by Dinah on July 30, 2006, at 9:05:35
> > I like what laima said about people speaking up when they are offended. I would like to know if I offend someone! I think that people should speak up, and be trusted to speak up. That would be a good rule - if you're offended, speak up. But of course be "civil".
> You might like that. Not everyone does, and not everyone responds in a positive manner. Sometimes it leads to escalating situations in which more and more posters are drawn in, and the board erupts.
***Could someone who was offended, say, report it to you, another deputy, or dr bob?
But they are supposed to respond in a positive manner, are they not? Isn't this the whole idea? Wow, it seems like we're being so "protected" from each other, even though it may be entirely unnecessary. Has anyone ever asked posters how they'd feel if they were trusted to report things that offended them? I wonder if I'm the only one who feels that this might work...
I'm not saying scrap the system, I'm suggesting we encourage the "growth" or improvement of it....and the babble community.
I think that it is so sheltered here...maybe relaxing the reins a little would allow for us to grow as people? I understand that Dr bob wants this to be an encouraging environment, but I think it could be more so. I don't find it encouraging right now...to me it feels like I have "big brother" breathing down my neck.
> Moreover, trying to stay civil when you are trying to express that you are offended and in response to someone's less than pleased reaction to that can be quite difficult.
***yes it can be difficult. Should we be sheltered from all things difficult? I think not. I think that people should practice responding in a "civil" manner to things they might not find so "civil" - it's good practice for real life issues. People in real life are not always "civil" to one another. Here at Babble, things are more civil than real life, but I'd rather not have it forceably civil to the point of being insincere. I think doing this is counterproductive. I don't know about anyone else, but when I reach out for advice or support, I want to feel like people mean what they say - I'd rather have them say something a bit provacative to me then to have them say something nice that they don't mean.
> You may not agree, and that's fine. But if you assume that if no one says they are offended, it means no one is offended, well... that is not my own experience here as a poster or as a deputy.
***I do not, and that's fine with me too :)
I do think that people need a bit more responsibility than they are sometimes given (and a bit more credit, too).
> Neither is an anywhere near majority response of being pleased when someone tells someone else they are offended at their post.
Not sure what you are getting at here. Were you referring to what I said about wanting to know if someone is offended? I never said I'd be "pleased" that someone was offended, however, I would like to know who was offended and why, so I can prevent it from happening in the future. We all need to practice communicating with each other. If a deputy jumps in and says "such and such was uncivil" it is much less useful and helpful to me than if the offended said "such and such offended me". I would not take offense to someone who is offended. Rather, I would try to clarify my words and intentions, and clear up any misunderstandings (which gets harder to do if someone jumps into the conversation). Sometimes, deputies or Dr bob jumping in and making remarks triggers uncivil behavior. IMO There are a few conversations I followed that seemed to be going just fine until it was interrupted, and people got steamed. I wonder if Dr bob thinks that people can't (or shouldn't) work out their own problems sometimes....