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any help at all?

Posted by b2chica on July 26, 2013, at 16:57:36

In reply to Re: DRI's???? » SLS, posted by b2chica on July 26, 2013, at 10:42:27

i'm low.
i dont care about anything (with the exception of my girls) but even them i can't seem to have the energy to parent. so i'm being a bad mom and stalling to pick them up from daycare. DH will be gone overnight so i have to find a way to deal.
i had three total breakdowns since this morning. crying...almost wailing for about 10min or so, then subside and about 1/2 hour to hour later it would hit again.

i was very suicidal, it was just too tempting with all those 'stashed' meds.
so i took my Buspar, Dexedrine (15mg), Phentermine 30mg, Vyvanse 50mg, and some sedated, all my two bottles of melatonin, all my ability, and klonapin. dumped them in a baggie and walked into my pdoc office and told the receptionist that i needed to get this out of my house and if they would take it. she was hesitant, and i expressed that i CANT have it in my house right now.
She took it.

Now i STILL have not heard from nurse pract, i called at 8:30 this morning....still nothing. shes probably mad cuz i cancelled my tuesday appt with her. oh and i asked receptionist and her next available appt is August 23. ya, i wont last that long.

This is horrible.
Then i was hoping to get desoxyn rx so called pharmacy to see if its available (as i seem to have that bad luck).
no go, i called 4 pharmacies and none had it in stock. they could order it but would take till after July31st so no ins. coverage.
THEN i did on last call contact a pharmacy that could order it but it should only take a couple days to get. but they need rx first..

HERE's THE KICKER.....
for the last 1/2 hour i've been trying to call the office and i keep getting this 'disconnected' message. that i need to check the number and call again. it is not available????? WTF???

so i guess i needed to go there, but now i have to pick up kiddos and dont want to go in....ugh.
its such crap. i only need a phone call. ive now left three messages.
does that not red flag something/??? that i have an urgent need?


*******************
well i decided to numb my suicidal feelings and crying spells.
i've taken 1200 gabapentin, 1mg klonipin, 1mg xanax...
i'm numb and spacey, but still aware of my aggression inside. and energy to harm myself.
this would also be a good time to go to outpatient hospitalization. BUT i only have ins for not even one more week. so that would not do me any good either :((

Dear God, what is next for me.
what do i do?

b2


"What is madness, but nobility of soul at odds with circumstance.
The day is on Fire, and i know the purity of pure despair."
Theodore Roethke


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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:b2chica thread:1047788
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20130706/msgs/1047842.html