Posted by CaffeinePoet on July 22, 2012, at 21:11:46
Thirtysomething woman here. I lost a fairly good job in late 2009, went back to school, got a Bachelor's degree, learned programming skills, and finally got a good professional job one year ago in July 2012.
In late February, I was let go from the job -- I was doing a good job but I was disliked socially, the only woman on the team and ten years older than my coworkers. Honestly I worked my *ss off there, coming in at 6 a.m. some days. Not appreciated.
Now, six months later, still no good job. Working at a call center for a rate that qualifies me to be on food stamps. Have hustled to volunteer, build my portfolio, network, all those good things.
The lesson? I am just not good enough. It is a lie that you can turn your life around in this society. Get it right the first time -- graduate at age 21, and build those corporate connections while you are young and pretty or it is GAME OVER.
God, the universe, or whoever has decided that I can't have a nice middle class life like so many others have. I am having to put off marriage, having children, all the goods of middle class life. I am not materialistic but I do want to pay my rent, my student loans, and have some stability before having kids.
So -- here it is. I am tired of working for nothing, I am tired of endless poverty. I feel like God is just letting me struggle for nothing, for no reward, endlessly.
Decision: If it is all the way to next February with no professional job for me, I must find a way to kill myself, as painlessly as possible. I have already told God that if s/he is going to let me just struggle nonstop for nothing.
Those around me will suffer, but they are succeeding in life. They have cars, homes, children. They get to use their skills. I am just a financial burden to society and I am suffering for doing work that is far below my capacity.
poster:CaffeinePoet
thread:1021965
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120718/msgs/1021965.html