Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2011, at 3:02:43
In reply to Re: Ferber, posted by morgan miller on February 27, 2011, at 1:41:26
> So yes, depression is one issue that can contribute to a parent's inability to express and offer the totality of the love they have inside to their child. Actually, one could argue that any parent with any kind of emotional issue has some kind of depression lingering inside.
I don't concede that depressed parents have an inability to express or offer the totality of the love they have for their child. And certainly you could argue that any parent who is less than perfect has an emotional issue that is depression. They may not do it in the way your therapist considers ideal. I can't offhand recall any parent of my acquaintance who might live up to such high standards.
And certainly you could argue that any parent who doesn't meet your standards has an emotional issue that is depression. That doesn't really fit in with my understanding of the term "depression". But depression can be conceived in different ways, and if it fits with your understanding, then you can certainly argue it.
> Your therapist may believe it is counterproductive to focus on the impact parents have on their children's development. They may feel that many people have a very difficult time confronting these truths so a different approach may yield results without the painful proces. I'd be curious to see what your therapist's beliefs are on parent's impact on a child's development.Well actually I mentioned your posts to my therapist on Friday. Believe me, he isn't soft pedaling his beliefs so as to not make me feel bad. I won't share his reaction to the issues involved, because he of course wasn't expressing them with civility guidelines in mind. But suffice it to say he isn't inclined to censure parents who do the right thing while depressed.
> Dinah, I'm really sorry, but I find this kind of statement made my people that are parents to be a way of shedding responsibility and staying in denial so as to protect our own feelings of guilt.
Morgan, I'm trying to respect your stance. I'm trying to respect your beliefs. I'm trying to understand that it is important to your healing to hold these beliefs. I ask you to try to understand that I just don't believe what you believe. Not because I want to shed responsibility or stay in denial. But because I don't believe what you believe. Please don't assume other motivations.
It's not all that important to me to believe I didn't cause harm. Or that my mother didn't cause me harm. I feel responsible for those parenting errors I have made. I hold my mother responsible for her parenting errors too. I feel guilty for any emotional hurt I've caused my son. And I know I have caused him pain, no matter how hard I try not to - just as my mother caused me pain even though she didn't wish to. I hope I'm more self aware and thus cause less pain than my mother did. But I feel no guilt for postpartum depression. *Not* *one* *iota*.
Again, I hope you find what you're looking for in therapy. And, for myself, I hope you can meet those standards you set for yourself, and that you aren't consumed with guilt should you happen to fall short.
poster:Dinah
thread:979678
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110220/msgs/979854.html